Love is Worth It

For a moment I forgot who I was, and this helped me to remember:

Fourteen years ago, I was a preteen, full of hormones and an over active imagination. I was sure that I was going to marry one of the sons of one of the Monkees, even though their children would be capable of being my parents if they started their families very young.

But a girl can dream! And honestly, crazy dreams like that are a lot less scary then wanting or desiring something more reasonable, say to win the attention and maybe affection of an actual living and breathing 14 or 15 year-old who actually went to the same school as me? No, in all honesty that was too risky. With that, I was able to get my heart broken, and some poor boy was likely to be disillusioned when he found out that all I really wanted to do was talk, go out for ice cream and maybe play video games. Even then I was quite the little talker and philosopher.

But romantic feelings and the desire for companionship and intimacy are tricky. And yes, through Spirit I've learned a lot about relationships, romantic and platonic. I've asked lots of questions and received lots of answers, but in Spirit's words "because I'm human, with a bit of doubt and fear that lingers, and can't seem to get anything right even with spectacular instructions (sometimes they are even in color) I still screw it up."

But in celebration of being an awkward teenager just a mere 10 years ago, obsessed with the Monkees (who I will be seeing in concert tomorrow!) Spirit has decided to provide me and my friends with another list type entry. Because honestly, even after we find ourselves in steady, loving, beautiful long-term relationships most of us still act like an awkward teenager from time to time. We feel like our hands are too small, our feet are too big, and our words are not enough, and we all need a little encouragement, and a little proof that it is all worth it in the end.

So, from Spirt to you, I type:

Fully aware of the problem that arises when two people try to share energy, build energy and combine it to create something bigger, better, and more beautiful, I want to provide you with the following:

The Top Ten Reasons Why Letting Someone In Doesn't Suck

#10 Finding out that you are capable of expressing feelings and thoughts that before had only presented themselves as random sound affects and sometimes floating colors makes you feel amazing! This is one of the best parts of loving someone so much that you want to talk to them at every moment of the day. As you talk and stumble over simple nouns and funny names, you realize that there really are words for everything you have experienced and felt. You find out that you are pretty deep and articulate even when everyone around you has always said you were shallow and dumb.

#9 Figuring out what to do with legs, arms, and feet is pretty awesome as well. Usually when you are around people that you are unsure of, people that are not your equal, people that are not familiar with you and your awesomeness, you tense up. You body becomes ultra-sensitive and you are over aware of how you can't sit straight enough, and how your chin kinda sags when you look in one direction. But when you are with someone who loves you, who knows you, and who you feel safe with. Your body relaxes and knows just how to posture itself on its own. It's like magic!

#8 Finding out that you are actually interesting. When you only hold conversations with yourself, in your head, everything is boring. You've heard the same stories over and over again. You know the descent from every climax and every punch line. But when you really let someone in and you tell your stories over and over again, they smile because they know that every time you tell it, you tell it differently. The see a different part of your personality shine and see you reach another "aha" moment each time, even if it is tiny. This is wonderful, and unless you let a friend or partner in, they will never see the nuances. They will hear the same story over and over and think you dreadfully boring.

Created By: Sierra Benson
You can by an 8x10 print of this on Etsy!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/90489084/i-still-love-you-even-when-youre-being-a

#7 Having someone to call you on your garbage is excellent. Strangers and even pleasant acquaintances won't call you out, even if they should. They don't want to offend you or start a fight. Strangers hate causing scenes. But someone who knows you, and loves you in all of your glory and darkness, will tell you when you are being a jerk. Someone who has seen the glory of your soul, will not allow you to fall into the darkness. For most, it is hard to see your shining light from far away, so let people in, so that you have more people to call you on stuff when you are being foolish.

#6 Seeing yourself reflected in someone else's heart is breath taking. The most beautiful thing to hear is your name roll off of someone else's lips. Every person says it differently. There is a different energy and meaning to every utterance of your name. The pure pleasure people get from hearing there name is interesting in itself. Even if your boss calls you into your office to fire you, you will find that part of you is overjoyed to hear your name, even if it is buried deep down, because when someone calls our name it is proof that we exist and that our journey intersects and has meaning. But when someone who knows you, loves you, and SEES you, utters your name they transmit in just a few syllables every thing that you have ever shown and given them. When someone who loves you says your name, you are able to feel yourself as they feel you.

#5 Giving your secrets away lightens your load. This is simple: you keep secrets, secrets settle in your belly, secrets give you a belly ache and weigh you down. You tell secrets, you bury less and less in your tummy area, you feel less sick, and lighter. You are able to play more and stay away from home longer. You no longer have precious secrets to protect from outsiders. You have less to hide.

Photo By: Howard Norman
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/02/bashos-trail/howard-norman-text

#4 Giving up becomes and option. When you have a true companion, or a lover who not only makes love to you, but shares love with you, and fully CREATES love with you, you come to understand that each moment has a purpose; that as long as you act for and with love, you don't have to finish everything because everything isn't meant to be finished. Sometimes one path is simply a foot path to get you to the main trail. But this lesson is hard to understand when you are walking down every trail on your own.

#3 Realizing that specialties are rare and that everyone is a master of all trades, but most aren't encouraged to explore. On your own, you often feel like you've reached your mountain top. You are a computer programmer. You are an excellent computer programmer, but you are nothing else. You can't dance, you can't sing, you can definitely not paint or use a table saw. But then you let someone in to your life. She sees you doing a silly dance around your kitchen table. She says, "Did you know that those are the first three steps of the fox trot?" She convinces you to take a pottery class with her and even though you aren't the best in the class, it still feels natural to have your hands sink into the clay. And suddenly you are creating a webcomic about your daily life together and everyone, including her thinks it is hilarious.

#2 Wandering is more fun when there is someone who can keep the home fires burning. All of us have a desire to wander, wether it is in an airplane, or with a back pack strapped to our shoulders, or simply in our minds. We like to take chances. We like to see how we can affect the world and how the world affects us. But it is so much nicer to wander and shift, when we know that someone is back home, remembering us and our light, incase we go to far and don't like who we've become. It's also nice to have some one to go looking for us when we lose our way.

#1 When you finally find someone who loves you for you, you will find that there are many more out there just waiting to be welcomed in the door. When you begin to tell just one person who you are, when you begin to let just one person see past your skin and bones and into your heart, when you allow yourself to be soft instead of stone, you will find that your light shines brighter and others can see it from further away. You will find that others love you just as much and just as strong.

Photo By: Lupen Grainne
You can buy an 8x10 of this on Etsy!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/65200118/red-hearts-photography-love-clothes-line

These are reasons that I think you should allow others to know the true beauties you are. These are reasons why you should always let your light shine.

Protect yourselves from those who are so full of dark and pain that they only care to dim the Light. They will hurt you and make it harder for you to trust. But let others in. Together you will grow. Together you will move. Together you will change things. And only movement and love can create the change that this world needs.

I love you all. Amen.