Follow Your Colors

Seen but never heard:

I have often wondered what it's like to be really small. To be so very tiny that a blade of grass would be tall. Well I had a chance to find out, as strange as it may seen. When I went to visit a lady bug in one of my craziest dreams.

Those are the words to one of my favorite songs that we used to sing in elementary music class. Mrs. Kehoe taught that class. She was young, and energetic, and super nice. She was the perfect elementary school teacher. She always made me feel safe, and special, and had a way of keeping even the most unruly of kindergarteners engaged.

I often sing that song to myself when I'm playing outside, daydreaming, or cloud watching. It feels fun and lifts me up, and it reminds me how important it is to want to be in someone else's shoes. It reminds me that everything is different when you are someone else. And it reminds me how important dreams are.

I am having a hard time at the moment. My anxiety is out of control, and I mean just that. I can't seem to control it, or even understand it. It attacks at weird times, and then doesn't seem to be present when it logically should. It is an unruly little critter at the moment!

But I know it is teaching me a lesson, and trying to show me something. So I'm trying to be patient. Trying to let it be heard without owning me. And I think this is a healthy approach. Allowing it to "be", but not giving it too much power. And just because I think that this is a healthy approach, it doesn't mean that I'm good at following through with it, although I'm getting better.

But last night I had a dream. I was in a hospital in Boston. I was with my sister, Nikki, and I was being tested as a bone marrow match. My sister had leukemia and I was a perfect match, but the doctor's told me that because of my anxiety I couldn't give her a transplant, because I had thrown and ion off in my body, and because of that imbalance, my marrow was no longer a match. I was so bewildered as to how my anxiety could affect my bone marrow, the core of life, in many ways because after all they say "blood is thicker than water."

I wasn't angry or even sad, just bewildered, and I knew I had to find a way to calm my anxiety. Then the doctor said it was fine, that I didn't need to worry about it because they found another match. It was my other sister, Manny. She is only 11 and there was no way I was going to let her go through such a painful process. I needed to get my anxiety down!

I don't know what I tried or what I did other than surround myself with friends and really focus on colors and personal preferences. But I finally got my anxiety down. I called my family back home telling them that they didn't need to come to Boston, that they didn't need to bring Manny, but they were already on their way.

I raced to see them, and suddenly it was announced that my sisters cancer was gone, but there we all were, even my step dad, one happy family to the rescue, and now just with time to celebrate. Honestly, we didn't know what to do or how to celebrate, but I assumed we would figure it out, and I smiled and woke up.

This was my dream. I didn't even think about all of it until I sat down to type. I did mention the lukemia part to some people in the office because at the same time a few coworkers were talking about their dreams last night, I got a phone call from a colleague who was looking to take a research gig at a cancer institute.

But other than that I haven't held it in my mind, since this morning as I was waking up.

Dreams are amazing!

I have anxiety. It is screwing up the make-up of "me." It is throwing things that are true out the window. My bone marrow is a perfect match, but only when I'm calm. Things will come to me that are a perfect match. The stars will align, as soon as I calm down.

I am my sister who needs the transplant. I am my other sister who is silly, and happy, and playful who I don't want to put through any pain. I am "me" who is just a little out of balance.

Photo found here.

All I need is to do is focus on colors, and how they flow through my body, and pull the people that I love in close and secure. I have to give myself what I want, and do things for myself, just the way I like them, because these are things that I perfer.

And when I do, all the pieces of me will realign. Things outside of me will begin lining up again. The path won't seem so long and far away. And my family, my loved ones, and my messageners will follow right behind. They will be pulled by the light. And we will all thrive!

This was my dream. There were very few sounds. A lot of emotion, and oh so many visuals! And lots of things that shone the color gold.

That was the dream.

This is the message that comes with it. The one for all of us:

Dream a little dream of me

Dreams are for you. They are gifts. They are your way of reestablishing your footing. Don't laugh at them or mock them. They serve a purpose.

When you dream try to understand who you are in the dream.

Who is the focal point? Who's body are you in? That is usually you in your current emotional state. Then look at the people around you, those are representations of you as well. Are you being shown that you can resuce yourself? Are you being shown that you are beautiful and well liked? Are you being shown that you can do anything that you put your mind to?

These people are all representations of you, either who you truly are, who you used to be, or who you will become. Realize this, and release.

Now, go to bed to night and ask for a sign, make a wish, squeal with delight. Open yourself up to be shown things you need to know, and follow the purple and gold. This will lead you to your highest self. Follow your reds and blues, this will show you how safe you are and how wise you have become. Follow your yellows and oranges. This will show you everything you are capable of. And if you see some indigo, ask your questions and you will recieve your answers. White lights will keep you safe and don't be afraid of the shadows, they need to be looked at and confroted, do it in the safety of your sleep where your angels and guides protect you. Follow your colors.