"I'm Not Lying Mom, I Promise"

From the mouth of babes, as the story goes... 

Passed from youth, to the Universe, and then back to me. And now to all of you:

Photo credit: Traditional Latin Mass in Maryland

"Stop," she yelled. "Just stop, Mom. Just stop! Why won't you listen to me? I see something out there. It isn't real, not like you are real, or I am real. But it's better. It sparkles! She speaks quiet and nice, and she smiles at me. She must be an angel. She says, 'I like your hat. I bet it keeps your head warm. Your Mama takes very good care of you. And you take good care of your Mama. She warms your head, and you make sure she has a warm heart.'"

That was the sound of any child's voice. I can tell you for a fact that this particular story came from a little girl in Idaho. She is around three, and understood every word of that message given to her by that sparkly angel. Her mother heard it and thought it sweet, but not life changing, not reality shifting, just sweet, like most things that come out of young children's mouths.

But my loves, my beautiful parents, my brothers and sisters, and aunties and cousins. This REALLY is ground breaking and reality shifting!

• First there is something bigger out there, things that can not be discovered or sensed by those of us shut off and tired to the point of exhaustion.

• Second, three year-olds are still part of that bigger world, and while they are fragile and unexperienced, not aware of the dangers that surround them, they are still able to grasp concepts of love and light and warming one's heart. 

• And third, children's silly, simple, and sweet sayings; insights and prayers are led by wise and true experience that can certainly not be obtained by 3 years of growth on this planet. These beautiful angels are proof that there is wisdom beyond human form and that wisdom is engrained in our DNA; yes, I'm going to go there, wisdom gained from lifetimes before! 

As adults, we want to protect our tiny offspring, the beautiful creatures that symbolize hope, legacy, perfection, and simplicity. Yay for instinct! Protect these darlings. Protect their tiny bodies, and their future journeys. Protect, protect, protect! But my loves, my lights, my inspirations, please do not smother them. Do not discredit them. Do not deny them their own personal connection to Love, to Light, to the Universe. Do not fill them full of your fears, your prejudices, or your images of God.

Instead, help them to remember what they already know. Help them to remember the God that they recently left behind, in order to come and play and learn and grow with you. Help them to remember their journey, their goals, their wisdom, and the skills that they already posses.

You are all keepers of Spirit. You hold your own manifestations of Spirit, but you are also keepers of your children, biological or not. As adults, as kinfolk, it is your place to protect the manifestation of Spirit in each young person you meet. It is your job to protect and help that manifestation of the Universe, that God incarnate to flow, to feel, to create, and to heal.

You are more than your brother's keeper, or your own keeper, you are also the keeper of your brother's son.

Listen to the little ones, and the ones who will always be young at heart. They are closer to the other side, they have a stronger connection, and yes they do see sparkly images that look like angels; these visions and miracles can help guide them through life, give them strength, keep them safe, and give them hope and patience, but it works better when the sparkly angels work side by side in regular communication with their human counterpart.

You can fabric with this print here!

Adults, your sparkly angels, and flying pixies, and talking hedgehogs and dogs, have never left you. You simply denied that they were there. You forgot how to see them, and now their mission is harder. They have to work harder to help you see, to hear and to understand.

Don't let your children have a journey that is just as difficult. Allow them to love their angles, talk to them, and ask them questions. Allow them to talk to you about them, and as they do, they will warm your hearts and help you to find you very own spiritual entourage!

I say this all with the calmest heart, and brightest eyes. You are all beautiful. You are my children and I encourage you, and allow you to see, to hear, and to know.

Amen.

God, Love and the Universe, All that Is

Silence is Golden

When I remember this bit of wisdom, I know I'm going to be alright:

From Spirit to us:

Silence- we need it to survive.

Bread.
Water.
Shelter.
Air.
And Silence.

The are the basic building blocks to survival.

Bread, nutrients, to help our bodies grow, to keep our vessels strong and mobile.

Water to keep us flowing, to keep systems talking to each other, to wash out the toxins of the day, to wash off the toxins of the day.

Shelter, to protect us from the elements, to protect us from storms, to protect us from things that are out of our control.

And silence, to help us to remember, to help us to decipher, to help us to realign, mind, body and soul.

In our country, we are all good at getting some of these needs met in the most basic way. But what is the difference between mere survival and ensuring life?

Water here is readily available. Your water sources are not all the best quality however, and yes, this should concern you, if water is meant for releasing toxins from your body and for ensuring that all of your bodily systems are flowing and working together properly, you should be concerned by processes and procedures that pollute this precious building block of life.

In this country we are very good at providing "food," but many have forgotten what real food looks like. Food, bread, nutrients are needed to ensure that your body can work correctly. That it can move about the world and manifest what it needs to fulfill its purpose, to discover itself and its place in the Universe. Food should not make you sick. Food should not make you immobile. If it does, this is not food. Take care of yourselves, and take care of your brothers. Teach yourself what real food is, produce it, and share it.

As for shelter, protection from the elements, roofs, beds... soft arms. Shelter is easiest to come by, but hardest to obtain. There are so many structures, so many roofs, so many walls. But so few welcoming spaces. So few places to occupy legally. Why are so many of your brothers and sisters sleeping on the ground, with no protection from things that they can not control, when there are so many roofs all around you? Shelter is needed for survival, but homes are needs for alignment, for peace, for safety, for freedom.

But why do none of you teach your children that silence is as important to survival, to life, as bread, as water, or as shelter?

Silence is a basic need. Sleep is understood as your most basic time of silence. This is obviously needed to survive. But there is form of silence beyond sleep that is needed to do more than merely survive.

Intentional silence is to silence, as a home is to shelter.

With intentional silence, you are able to move from survival to real homespun revival!

So, in conclusion, to survive you need bread, water, shelter and sleep. To live, to grow, to obtain personal growth and universal understanding you need food, nutrients, excellent sources of real food; clean clear toxin free water, water that holds the ability to flow, to detox, to carry away waste; home, a place of protection and safety, a place of softness and warmth, a place of care and freedom; and intentional silence.

What is intentional silence?

Silence is golden, but only if it holds Light. Silence that holds Light, has a purpose. So, yeah, what is intentional silence?

Intentional silence is a gift that you give to yourself. The only purpose during this moment is to be. You simply slow down enough to realize that you are more than your buzzing, busy life. You are silent. You are still. You are doing nothing, but still are. Your intent is to re-align, to bring all of your pieces back together. To simply sit and allow every part of your to be pulled back in.

From this state you can let go of things that no longer have a place within you...

That old cactus that has been dead in your window at work for a month, but you just can't bring yourself to get rid of it because it was a present and because throwing it away would remind you that you failed at keeping it alive... yeah, you can get rid of it. It is no longer serving you, and it is actually holding you back.

That obsession that you had with the color pink, the way it made you feel young and hip, it doesn't want to come back in. There is no place for it. You can let it go too.

What about the boyfriend that you have spent the whole day hating, the one that you already broke up with five times? Yeah, you can let go of him too. He is no longer serving you, and he isn't part of the true you-- the you that you can access in silence, the real you that shines and glows, and smiles, and knows all things.

From this place you can also access all of your wisdom and knowledge. You can slow your breathing and remember what it feels like to be a bird, to be a stone, to be that one colleague at work that you just can't stand. From this place of silence, you can be all things, and when you come back to your individual self, you will find that you bring more empathy and compassion.

From this place you can also realign your health. You can feel where there is a build up of physical, emotional, or spiritual toxins. You can find the areas that you need to pay more attention to. You can remind yourself that you need to take better care of yourself, and you can remind yourself why. From this place of intentional silence you can remember your path-- past, present, and future and you can see where you are going, and maybe how to get there, but only if the time is right.

Intentional silence doesn't have to be for hours everyday. It just has to be intentional. It simply has to be a moment in your day where you say, "I'm going to give myself a gift. I am going to allow myself to be. I'm going to let all of the pieces of me check-in with one another. I'm going to honor myself. I am going to remember who I am."

It's that simple. I can be for hours. I can be a small midnight prayer. It can be a breath. It can be with a cat in your lap, or a quote in your head. You can sing through it (although you would have to come up with a whole knew definition of silence, but it is more about silencing the busyness and buzzing in your head and surrounding yourself, music can clear that space, just like a cleansing fire can move smoke through your home to clear the space). You can walk through it. You can spin in circles through it as well, and some do. But you must do it for yourself, no one else can do it for you.

Others can give you the gifts of food, clean and pure water, and home, but you must give silence to yourself. You must ask for silence for yourself and create it from a place of honor, and light, and protection. And from this place you will find me too, but that's a given, since you know that there will be finding yourself!

Yours in natural laughter and excitement,
 God

Forget What You Were Told, Remember What You Know

Hearing this loud and clear:

From Spirt to us-

My children, and that's what you are my children. Some of you are adults, sure, but you are still my children. You are children of the Universe, young, bright-eyed, encouraged, defeated, strong and brilliant. You are my family. You are part of me. You are all united under my existence. You are all children of the Universe.

So, again I say, my children...

I love you. That is the only message that you need to hear. I love you. You are not too weak, or too sick, or too scared to be loved.

I love YOU, not the person that you feel you have to be. I want less of that person, and more of you in this world. I want you to be authentically, beautifully you. I do not want you to hide behind past guilt, or fears of the future. I do not want you to cling idly to your old belief systems that say your are being tested and measured. You are not.

You're goal for this lifetime is to be you!

Who are you? Well, each of you is brilliantly unique, but share the same qualities of your brothers and sisters.

• Each of you is wise. When you slow down, when you breathe, when you trust, you will find that you have all of the answers within.
• Each of you is compassionate and kind. Your hearts are all soft, until something happens, until you get hurt and decide to hide away and mask your kindness. Sometimes you hide it so well, that even you forget that you own it. 
• Each of you is generous. Each of you is born knowing how much you need to survive. You know how much milk you need to satisfy your belly, you know how much attention and encouragement you need to thrive. Each of you knows how much to ask for, and until you find a moment where there isn't enough, you would freely give the extra away.
• Each of you is capable of great healing. Each of you has been born into a world with much confusion and fear. You were not born into a Utopia, but because of this, you were born with the ability to bounce back, to heal yourselves and to heal each other.
• Each of you is also supremely unique. 

Some of you were meant to build. So, if this is the truth build! Build generously, build compassionately, build intentionally from that deep hidden knowledge of your soul. Build with gratitude.

Some of you were meant to be teachers. So, teach! Teach people to connect with their true authentic selves. Teach people to uncover their compassion, their generosity, their commitment, and their unique talents. Teach people to heal and to heal each other.

Words By: Hafez
Painting By: Freydoon Rassouli

Some of you are great conductors. Let the teachers teach, let the builders build, and then create a masterpiece of life! Allow people to share their talents. Allow people to speak their truths and share their wisdom. Show them how all of their stories matter. Show them how together and in tune, they create a wonderful work of art.

I want you all to have freedom. You are not able to be truly free until you honor your authentic self and allow it to be present and seen at every moment.

Your path to heaven, your path home, is a path to reclaiming yourself.

Amen.

In peace and joy, I speak to you fondly. Find yourself and you will find me.

Love, the Universe.

Love is Worth It

For a moment I forgot who I was, and this helped me to remember:

Fourteen years ago, I was a preteen, full of hormones and an over active imagination. I was sure that I was going to marry one of the sons of one of the Monkees, even though their children would be capable of being my parents if they started their families very young.

But a girl can dream! And honestly, crazy dreams like that are a lot less scary then wanting or desiring something more reasonable, say to win the attention and maybe affection of an actual living and breathing 14 or 15 year-old who actually went to the same school as me? No, in all honesty that was too risky. With that, I was able to get my heart broken, and some poor boy was likely to be disillusioned when he found out that all I really wanted to do was talk, go out for ice cream and maybe play video games. Even then I was quite the little talker and philosopher.

But romantic feelings and the desire for companionship and intimacy are tricky. And yes, through Spirit I've learned a lot about relationships, romantic and platonic. I've asked lots of questions and received lots of answers, but in Spirit's words "because I'm human, with a bit of doubt and fear that lingers, and can't seem to get anything right even with spectacular instructions (sometimes they are even in color) I still screw it up."

But in celebration of being an awkward teenager just a mere 10 years ago, obsessed with the Monkees (who I will be seeing in concert tomorrow!) Spirit has decided to provide me and my friends with another list type entry. Because honestly, even after we find ourselves in steady, loving, beautiful long-term relationships most of us still act like an awkward teenager from time to time. We feel like our hands are too small, our feet are too big, and our words are not enough, and we all need a little encouragement, and a little proof that it is all worth it in the end.

So, from Spirt to you, I type:

Fully aware of the problem that arises when two people try to share energy, build energy and combine it to create something bigger, better, and more beautiful, I want to provide you with the following:

The Top Ten Reasons Why Letting Someone In Doesn't Suck

#10 Finding out that you are capable of expressing feelings and thoughts that before had only presented themselves as random sound affects and sometimes floating colors makes you feel amazing! This is one of the best parts of loving someone so much that you want to talk to them at every moment of the day. As you talk and stumble over simple nouns and funny names, you realize that there really are words for everything you have experienced and felt. You find out that you are pretty deep and articulate even when everyone around you has always said you were shallow and dumb.

#9 Figuring out what to do with legs, arms, and feet is pretty awesome as well. Usually when you are around people that you are unsure of, people that are not your equal, people that are not familiar with you and your awesomeness, you tense up. You body becomes ultra-sensitive and you are over aware of how you can't sit straight enough, and how your chin kinda sags when you look in one direction. But when you are with someone who loves you, who knows you, and who you feel safe with. Your body relaxes and knows just how to posture itself on its own. It's like magic!

#8 Finding out that you are actually interesting. When you only hold conversations with yourself, in your head, everything is boring. You've heard the same stories over and over again. You know the descent from every climax and every punch line. But when you really let someone in and you tell your stories over and over again, they smile because they know that every time you tell it, you tell it differently. The see a different part of your personality shine and see you reach another "aha" moment each time, even if it is tiny. This is wonderful, and unless you let a friend or partner in, they will never see the nuances. They will hear the same story over and over and think you dreadfully boring.

Created By: Sierra Benson
You can by an 8x10 print of this on Etsy!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/90489084/i-still-love-you-even-when-youre-being-a

#7 Having someone to call you on your garbage is excellent. Strangers and even pleasant acquaintances won't call you out, even if they should. They don't want to offend you or start a fight. Strangers hate causing scenes. But someone who knows you, and loves you in all of your glory and darkness, will tell you when you are being a jerk. Someone who has seen the glory of your soul, will not allow you to fall into the darkness. For most, it is hard to see your shining light from far away, so let people in, so that you have more people to call you on stuff when you are being foolish.

#6 Seeing yourself reflected in someone else's heart is breath taking. The most beautiful thing to hear is your name roll off of someone else's lips. Every person says it differently. There is a different energy and meaning to every utterance of your name. The pure pleasure people get from hearing there name is interesting in itself. Even if your boss calls you into your office to fire you, you will find that part of you is overjoyed to hear your name, even if it is buried deep down, because when someone calls our name it is proof that we exist and that our journey intersects and has meaning. But when someone who knows you, loves you, and SEES you, utters your name they transmit in just a few syllables every thing that you have ever shown and given them. When someone who loves you says your name, you are able to feel yourself as they feel you.

#5 Giving your secrets away lightens your load. This is simple: you keep secrets, secrets settle in your belly, secrets give you a belly ache and weigh you down. You tell secrets, you bury less and less in your tummy area, you feel less sick, and lighter. You are able to play more and stay away from home longer. You no longer have precious secrets to protect from outsiders. You have less to hide.

Photo By: Howard Norman
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/02/bashos-trail/howard-norman-text

#4 Giving up becomes and option. When you have a true companion, or a lover who not only makes love to you, but shares love with you, and fully CREATES love with you, you come to understand that each moment has a purpose; that as long as you act for and with love, you don't have to finish everything because everything isn't meant to be finished. Sometimes one path is simply a foot path to get you to the main trail. But this lesson is hard to understand when you are walking down every trail on your own.

#3 Realizing that specialties are rare and that everyone is a master of all trades, but most aren't encouraged to explore. On your own, you often feel like you've reached your mountain top. You are a computer programmer. You are an excellent computer programmer, but you are nothing else. You can't dance, you can't sing, you can definitely not paint or use a table saw. But then you let someone in to your life. She sees you doing a silly dance around your kitchen table. She says, "Did you know that those are the first three steps of the fox trot?" She convinces you to take a pottery class with her and even though you aren't the best in the class, it still feels natural to have your hands sink into the clay. And suddenly you are creating a webcomic about your daily life together and everyone, including her thinks it is hilarious.

#2 Wandering is more fun when there is someone who can keep the home fires burning. All of us have a desire to wander, wether it is in an airplane, or with a back pack strapped to our shoulders, or simply in our minds. We like to take chances. We like to see how we can affect the world and how the world affects us. But it is so much nicer to wander and shift, when we know that someone is back home, remembering us and our light, incase we go to far and don't like who we've become. It's also nice to have some one to go looking for us when we lose our way.

#1 When you finally find someone who loves you for you, you will find that there are many more out there just waiting to be welcomed in the door. When you begin to tell just one person who you are, when you begin to let just one person see past your skin and bones and into your heart, when you allow yourself to be soft instead of stone, you will find that your light shines brighter and others can see it from further away. You will find that others love you just as much and just as strong.

Photo By: Lupen Grainne
You can buy an 8x10 of this on Etsy!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/65200118/red-hearts-photography-love-clothes-line

These are reasons that I think you should allow others to know the true beauties you are. These are reasons why you should always let your light shine.

Protect yourselves from those who are so full of dark and pain that they only care to dim the Light. They will hurt you and make it harder for you to trust. But let others in. Together you will grow. Together you will move. Together you will change things. And only movement and love can create the change that this world needs.

I love you all. Amen.

Dreamers and Spirit Walkers

Found today as I was sorting through that mental file cabinet, while almost entirely asleep:

Dreams are important, and some dreams are nothing more than neurons firing and a mental dump of all of the "useless" pieces of the day. That beautiful orange fabric you saw at the second-hand store, that fabric that made you smile but that you had no use for so you passed it over, or that conversation that you over heard that went something like this:

"She is simply the most interesting person I have ever met."

"Really? Even more interesting than Jake? I mean I'm not sure that anything that Jake tells me is true, but his stories are so interesting?"

[Laughing] "Oh yeah, Jake. I remember that one time that he told everybody he had just gotten back from working on an oil rig in the Atlantic. I believed him. It very well could have been true. But anyway, no, she is interesting in a whole different way. She just seems to be on to something you know?"

That conversation went in one ear and out the other, but still you have a brief flash of a woman sitting in a corner drinking tea, with an all knowing smile on her face. You see her, but even in your dream you overlook her presence.

None of these things are useless at all, but even in dreams we can't seem to draw the importance out of their occurrence. We can't seem to make sense of them or decode their meanings, and even our dreams the messages floats away.

Maybe that piece of orange fabric that you barely noticed, but definitely made you smile, was a reminder that you needed more excitement and creative motion in your life, and that woman who seems to be on to something, maybe she was a reflection of you!

So yes, the experts are right dreams can be nothing more than our brains letting go of images and thoughts that we don't know where to store, or how or why we should process, but just because our brain doesn't know what to do with those images, it doesn't mean that they weren't or aren't still important.

There are other types of dreams. Dreams that break down every part of our personality. Dreams in which a piece of us are playing every character. You are suddenly the daughter, feeling powerless and uninspired, as well as the mother taking away your power and autonomy, the father staying out of the situation and letting the two female forces run their course, and the little dog that is no more than a casual onlooker wondering what will happen next.

These dreams are powerful and full of hidden gems that can help you to overcome obstacles that are holding you back, as well as celebrate and even notice hurdles that you have cleared.

You can see that you are feeling uninspired and unable to break free from rules and formality, but also that you are the one holding yourself back. You want to be in control and you want to protect yourself from outside forces that will surely hurt you. You are full of female energy, this is both the energy that is pulling you back, and dying to move forward. It is full of compassion, protection, grace, commitment and community. But you have neglected that male part of you the part that honors directness, precision, strength, force in motion, and peaceful conflict resolution. You need to invite that maleness into the situation. And lastly, you are a playful little puppy, who wants nothing more than to see the struggle end, so that you can run freely about the house, and play and eat, and enjoy.

This is the perfect type of dreams for moving forward, as long as you spend the time and the energy to pull it apart, accept its wisdom, and act upon it.

There are a few other types of dreams, dreams of prophecy, dreams that take you back in time and space, dreams that split you in two, and dreams where you are able to give yourself sound advice.

There are dreams where you are completely connected to the Universe and feel calm and protected and wise, and there are dreams where you are able to talk to relatives who have passed away. They can tell you family secrets or just say I love you.

But then there are dreams where you Spirit walks.

These dreams are rare, but are becoming more frequent among many of us. These are the dreams that throw us out of our beds as we wake. These are the dreams that leave you wondering where you are, and who you are, as soon as your eyes are open.

These are dreams in which your Spirt, my Spirt, Our Spirt walks. Some of you are healers. You travel to far off lands to heal the sick and lonely. Some of you are spirit talkers you bring messages of peace, you give lessons in reading, writing and strategic planning. Some of you are folk singers, messengers of art. You bring hope and love and light through lyrics and song.

Don't believe me? That is fine. You will find out for yourself soon enough. You are change makers, light bearers, and are awakening. Your Spirit finds in hard to contain itself. There are nights as your body sleeps that your Spirit must commune and play and enjoy and connect. It allows you to sleep, to rest, to reground and rejuvenate. And as you lie comfortably and as all of your machinery in your beautiful body realigns your Spirit goes to play, to work, to reunite.

It is not dangerous. Sometimes you reach others in their dream like state, you hold conversations you will probably never recall, but you will have helped someone dear, someone special, someone like you. Other times you Spirit will be present with no body at all, you WILL be in Africa, or Germany or France. You will walk the streets like a ghost or angel, bodiless, but there all the same. You will be whispering words of wisdom and stroking children's foreheads. This will be you, and you will wonder how it all can be.

You body is your home in this lifetime. It is your mode of transportation, your reference point, and your way of bringing Me into the physical reality. But your Spirit is the perfect mixture of The Source and your talents, gifts, and individuality. And this Spirit when truly honored and respected by the human part of your nature, even if it is for only a moment in time, it grows stronger and more capable. It aches and desires to be let free. But it is not pushy. It understands that a journey is needed, but as it begins to be aware of itself and its power, it desires to work, to be in the world, to not be held back. As you dream, as you sleep, as you get ready for the next step in the journey, your Spirit can still work, and you in your full state of awareness and body become all the better for it.

So, the next time yo feel like you must have spent the night on a gravel road in South Africa or the street of St. Petersburg. If you wake up with the sounds of a language that you can't seem to remember or forget, ringing through your head, don't think your crazy.

Ask yourself, if your Higher Self is ready to finally come out and play, and work, and remember in your physical form. Ask yourself, if it is time to begin to believe in yourself and your powers of the Spirit. Ask yourself, if you are ready to remember all of the children you have comforted, the friends you have spoken to and eased their minds. Ask yourself, if you are ready to remember your journey and your gifts. And if you are, invite yourself to be in alignment-- mind, body, and soul. And ask, if you can play and serve as you do in your dreams, but completely aware and standing upright.

I know that many of you will have a hard time swallowing some of this, but it is true and I guarantee that many of you have had these dreams before, as I said they are still rather rare, but large groups are experiencing them more and more. If you have experienced it, I promise that someone you know has as well. This awakening and traveling is happening in tribes. One lone traveller would be terrified, but together you will support each other's walks, and help each other to bring your journey into your waking lives. This is my wish. Do not be afraid. This is a gift. A glorious gift, for you and those that you serve.

Amen, and happy traveling, Love.

Fear is the Only Thing that Can Separate You From the Source

Once heard, but never forgotten:
(God makes sure of that by saying it over and over again)

I have spent most of my life afraid of something.

I was either afraid of the dark, or the things that could happen in the dark. Sometimes, it was monsters that could be under the bed, other times it was simply that when I was asleep, and the house was quite, I was never quite sure that my grandma was okay in the other room, or that my sister was still breathing in the bunk below me. Those were all childhood fears. Fears that something would take my life away in my sleep, or fears that someone else would be taken from me.

As I grew older, my fears became less about "leaving" (you see dying never scared me, but the thought of no longer being able to connect to people did) this world and more about leaving my comfort zone. I grew afraid of speaking in public, of people talking about me behind my back, of my friends not talking to me anymore.

Then I got even older and grew afraid of absolutely nothing but my own power. I graduated high school, moved away to college and realized I was in control of my own destiny. That nothing could really stop me but myself. I grew to see myself as completely incapable of really doing anything of importance. I grew afraid of my mediocrity.

But then again, I grew, and I no longer saw myself as mediocre. I realized that I was extraordinary. I had amazing power to set things into motion, to create ripples that would affect lifetimes. I realized I could change the course of history in a heartbeat, that I could heal in a moment, and that I COULD TALK TO GOD AND THAT HE TALKED BACK.

This was the most terrifying of all fears. I have heard a good woman say, "It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us." She goes on to say "We asks ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God."

That woman, incase you didn't recognize it, was Marianne Williamson. She wrote that and I felt it.

I was so afraid of being in control, MORE afraid than I was of being out of control. I secretly knew it was silly to be afraid of monsters under the bed, and I always knew my grandmother and little sister would be okay. I was never really that afraid of the mean girls in my high school (it's true ever high school has mean girls; it is also true that these girls are the most terrified of their power and losing it). I was never even really that afraid of being mediocre. Hey, at least I knew what my limits were, and I could project how it would all turn out.

But being able to TALK TO GOD! BEING ABLE TO HEAR THE STORY OF HOW AND WHY THE UNIVERSE WAS CREATED FROM THE CREATOR ITSELF?

WHAT?

Now, that's terrifying!

To finally realize, that God is not just some entity that I can pray to and find outside my being, but that also I am God. That God is the most central part of my being. That if I could only get rid of the fear and grief and pain, only God would be left.

To finally realize that I am the arms, and legs, and mouth, and ears of God. That I am the Christ-light on Earth- that is terrifying!

Not that I don't want all of you to accept, and admit, and embody that fact, but just let me be the illustration that acceptance and mental knowledge, does not a Buddha make.

I have come to realize that this fear, the fear of my Christ-light, is the most debilitating and destructive of all fears. When you are afraid of your true self, your true beauty, your true potential, what do you do?

I have friends who chose to ignore it, fight it, deny it. They self destruct in various ways. My family members drink. My loves fight, and slash, and attack anything of beauty that might act as a mirror to their soul. They refuse to be happy; they only smile when appropriate; they refuse to listen to anything that shows them that they are important, and simply Love.

I on the other hand, am a glorious over achiever. I take all of the light that I know that I posses and hide it. I sit on it. I put on the dim beams. I find ways to show people that I am harmless. I play the weak damsel in distress. "What? Who me? I could change the world? I'm not that important."

I hide myself, by investing in others. I tell myself I don't deserve to be great when others are not even able to be mediocre. I invest in their brilliance and beauty. I tear myself apart so that they may shine a little brighter.

And then I spiral, down, down, down. I disconnect myself from my Christ-light and I am nothing. I am no One.

God once told me the following, when I was first becoming aware of my gift:

You are here to learn all there is to know about Love. You are an overachiever. But all you need to know is that Love is God, and God is Love. And I know you worry about sins and Heaven and Hell. Heaven is where I am always present. Hell is where you feel nothing but my absence. And sinning leads to Hell. 

But I will also tell you this. There is only one true sin-- fear. Fear is the only thing that can separate you from me. Fear is the only thing that can lead to the actions that you call sins- greed, gluttony, fraud, murder, theft, pride. Fear, my little one, is the only true sin. It leads to all the rest. 

Now, here I am six years after the fact; six years after I first heard God speak and understood that there was nothing to fear, and that Jesus's death was all about that. That it was a demonstration that God was always with us, and that we no longer had to fear death, that through his life he showed us we no longer had to fear anything.

Six years, after hearing and mentally storing all of that, I am still afraid of myself. I am still the only thing separating myself from God.

Silly, huh?

No. Human.

It's a journey, and we are all headed to the same place. How we get there and who we meet are a mixture of God's plan and our choices, but honestly since we are God maybe I should say "Our Higher Connected Self's" plans and our human choices. I have also been taught that there are mile markers along the path that show us that we are where we are meant to be. Little secret messages we placed along the trail before we came here to show us that we are doing well.

I have learned so many things, but have shared so little, because I am afraid.

But today, I am a little less afraid and a little more prepared. I am ready to push forward a little more, let a little more of my light fly through the streets of Rochester until they make their way to the other edge of the Universe.

I am ready to let a few more of you know who I really am. I am ready to try. And I am ready to accept myself when I come crawling back and back peddle, in a few days, to my old ways and old fears.

It's a process, and above all I must Love myself in order to find God and spread Her energy, Her hopes, Her healing.

And I will.

Just Say, "Cheese" and Smile

Noticed today, but never really forgotten in the first place:

*Note this post may seem confusing because the Universe seems to have blurred the line between me the messenger and Her the source, but I think that that was pretty much the point *

I haven't been writing this blog for very long, but I find it more than amusing how often I sit here typing away realizing that I'm not really typing. That I am just chillin' here waiting to see what this whole entry is going to be about.

I get excited to find out what the running theme of the entry is going to be. I get excited to see what nifty title comes out of all of chatter. I am just amazed at how my fingers seem to know exactly what keys that they are going to hit before the thought comes fully to my mind. I am a medium, so why should it take me by surprise that I can do any of this- that beautiful words can flow through my body- that energy can turn itself into sound like waves that only I can hear? Why should I doubt my ability and my sanity time after time? Why should I hide my light under a bushel, as some would say?

I don't really want to get to the bottom of any of those questions at the moment because it would be boring and a waste of public discourse. Let's just say, humans have a hard time realizing that each and everyone of them are gods. And let's just say, that there are those out there who know that this is a human flaw, and use that to their advantage. These people are gods themselves, but turn in a direction that is not full of light. They make sure that the others continue to forget.

http://www.ehow.com/how_8681100_quality-selfportraits.html

What I want to say to this is, "Cheese!"

Look at yourself!

Take a picture of yourself on your iPhone, or with your fancy camera and say, "Cheese." Put it on your computer. Turn it around, because you know that most of the picture your take are downloaded side ways, and then stare at yourself.

Stare at yourself good and hard, until you see Me. Until you see God. Until you see You.

I will say this, each of my children have gifts, special gifts that show that they are gods. They are gifts that when practiced and refined fill them with peace, with joy, with light. They are gifts that connect them to the earth and the sky all at once. From above and below, they feel protected, guarded, and fulfilled. 

I know that I have a gift of clear hearing, but it is a hearing that few other's posses. I can't give of myself freely yet because I don't want to be separated from those who don't honor my gift, those that mock me and pelt me. But I also don't want to be separated from those that don't have my gift. 

This is foolish and silly. My light lights your light. Your light lights her light. 

Why do I hide my gift, my energy center, my connector? Why do I dim myself for the sake of others, and to fit in? How can separating myself from my Higher self possibly make me more happy, healthy, and whole?

It can not. 

So, I will look in the mirror more often with out pointing out every flaw. I will look in the mirror more often and say I am a Goddess. I am special. I have a mission, a purpose, and I deserve to be loved for who I am. I am a healer, a teacher, a guardian of the recorded names. I am a Spirit talker. I know Truth. I can bring it. I can feel it. I can sense it. Because I am God. God is not a separate being. God is me at my best and most authentic self. God is me minus the fear and doubt. The only true sin is fear because it is the only thing that can separate me from God, from Love, form Light.

What will you say to yourself the next time that you take a photo to place on Facebook?

Will you say, I am the Goddess of Music? I am the Master of Self-Esteem. I am the Prince of Personal Satisfaction?

How do you amplify God? How do you bring Light into the world? How do you connect to the earth and the sky and how do you push it outwards?

You will look into that camera lens. 

You need to say "Cheese" with all of the excitement and beauty you did when you were three. 

And when the photo shows up, and is turned around, find yourself. 

Find me. 

Find God. 

And then feed that part of your reflection. So that you no longer have to take a picture to see it. You just always know that it is there.

Peace and Love with you Always, 

Your Friend,

Love